The Great Slipper Robbery

Jeez, did she go mad or what? I mean one lousy slipper. Anydog would think she'd had her leg amputated in her sleep.

Listen up. If humes leave any kind of footwear (including socks), underwear, or anything else that isn't nailed down just lying around in full reachable distance, it's up for doggy grabs, yeah? Now am I right or am I right?

Of course, Gelert had to play the bloody clown, didn't he, and pranced off with it in his gob because he thought the female hume was having a game. That made her even more ballistic.

“Give her back the bloody slipper,” I barked at him, but it was no good. The dumb klutz just kept running up to her with the slipper in his mouth and then sprinting away again just as she got within reaching distance.

Mind you, you had to laugh.

“Gelert,” said the female hume. “Leave.”

Well, she said it in such a wet, imploring tone you just knew that wouldn't do it.

She knew it as well so she tried the sterner approach.

“Gelert!!! Stay!!!”

Now Gelert is a kind of wolfhound type and isn't full grown yet but he's already massive and has a brain that's about appropriate for a very small chihuahua.

Here's a picture of the ‘Big Guy‘, as Petros the dog doctor calls him:



We're all watching and know what's going through his lentil-sized brain.

“Duh, youse wanna chase me and fetch da slippa den? Goo game, yeah? Goo game.”

And off he goes again with the slipper in his gob.

The hume's going hairless by now but the Big Guy doesn't know the joke's over.

“Gelert!!! If you don't come here and drop that slipper right now.....!”

Well, we could all tell she was losing it.

“I'll.... I'll....”

She shot a quick glance at Poppy who was starting to giggle uncontrollably by now and then carried on:

“I’ll will not tolerate...”

We all knew by now that when she lost the ability to speak proper English, something bad was on its way.

“... none of you will get supper tonight!”

None of us? Now wait up here a minute, lady. Time to take action.

Zaira and Seven, being the fastest, sprinted down the far side of the Big Guy, Poppy and I went to his flanks, Ziggy just went into one of his fits (more of that later), and Mum sauntered casually towards him.

Gelert froze, his feeble mind not able to take in the pincer manoeuvre.

Mum went straight up to him, eyeballing him all the time. When she was six inches from his face she whispered, “Drop the slipper, sweetie, or none of us eat tonight.”

Suffice it to say, the dumb klutz's jaw dropped open in horror and the item of footwear fell to the ground.

At that point, the hume stepped forward, picked up the slipper and then patted the Big Guy on the head saying, “Good boy. Gooood boy. Who's a clever boy then.”

Then she saunters off back up to the house, slipper in hand, without a second glance to the rest of us.

Jeez. We're the ones who got the bloody slipper back and he's the one who gets the praise.

There really is no justice in this world. Am I right or am I right?

Still Seven

A few days ago, I told you that we might have a seventh member of our gang. Well she’s still here and she’s still called ‘Seven’ because we haven’t thought of a better name yet. You have to get to know a dog first before you can come up with a moniker that really fits.

When we got up the morning after she arrived, Seven was inside the gate. We all rushed up and started barking questions at her as we’d done the day before. The humes tried to get us to stop, probably because they thought we were frightening her, but most of us just carried on.

Seven still didn’t have much to say for herself so we got bored after a while and wandered off to do our own things. Then it was breakfast and you wouldn’t believe how fast she could eat. I mean, the rest of us aren’t exactly slow when it comes to the old nosebag, but Seven looked like she was going for the world record. Still, as I said before, she’s incredibly thin - you can see every one of her ribs - so she needs all the grub she can get at the moment.

Even now, a few days later, she doesn’t seem to have filled out much but she does seem a lot happier. She’s got to know the rest of us a bit better and seems to realise that we’re actually very friendly. Some of us have taken longer to make friends with her than others. Poppy was about the last to accept her into the gang and even seemed quite frightened of her. Of course, she denied it when I asked her about it but why else did she keep barking at Seven and then running off?

The odd thing is, Poppy is now closer to Seven than any of us and they play together all the time. I even saw Poppy teaching Seven how to play ‘chase’. Seven didn’t seem to understand the game at all to start with but she’s got the hang of it now and can’t get enough of it. She’s fast too.

As she’s begun to settle in, she’s also been getting up to some bits of mischief - and that’s very important if you want to be a member of our gang. Yesterday, for instance, I saw her nick one of the female hume’s oldish jumpers and then make a sort of nest with it. Later on, Seven went off for a pee and Gelert was straight in there and grabbed the jumper.

Seven looked very unhappy when she came back and saw Gelert chewing away on it and had a tentative game of tug with him. She seemed very wary of the Big Guy though and she gave up after a few seconds. She kept her eyes on him and when we all trotted down the land after the humes, she seized her chance and got her jumper back again.

Here's a picture of Seven and Gelert later on when the jumper seemed to have just vanished.

SEVEN: Um, excuse me, Mr Gelert, but I was wondering if you'd seen my jumper.

GELERT: Well now, there's a thing. It was right here in front of me a minute ago.

Anyway, it’s almost food time so I’ll be off soon. Before I go though, I must just tell you about the fantastic time we had last night. It was so cold outside that the humes let us sleep in the house. They put down all kinds of blankets and things on the floor but most of us slept on settees or armchairs. There was even a fire going for most of the night. Brilliant or what!!!